Third time is a charm

I made the decision yesterday to end the relationship I was in. It was one of the harder decisions I've made for quite awhile. He is someone that I care about, but i'm not able to be the person that he needs. It's the first time in a long time I've let someone into my son's life. My son and his son got along great, he just asked about his son tonight and if they could hang out again. I had to tell my son I wasn't sure, it depends on a lot of things. I made a mistake in letting things happen to quickly because I was wrapped up in a relationship that I thought was going to be amazing. He brought me flowers and fixed my car. He told me he loved me, but I wasn't ready. I cared deeply, but love is such a hard word. Every man I've loved has managed to walk out of my life. I couldn't love that quickly. I cared deeply, but love - that's big for me. It's life changing big... I was falling in love. I couldn't say it back and it caused some tensio...

This morning I sat down at the computer to write a blog welcoming in 2019. I drafted it, reread it and set it down. I'm already in a bit of a funk, I dropped C off at his father's house last night for the week. While it was completely ridiculous to have him with me for the week at work, I miss him like crazy. This morning I felt that it was New Years and I wanted to be one of those girls who had an amazing person to kiss at midnight. I spent the day feeling sorry for myself and having a cruddy outlook on the last day of 2018. I dropped a friend off at the airport this evening and headed home. It is getting cold and potentially icy, plus I just don't like being on the road for NYE. As I drove home I talked to my mom and a good friend. My attitude adjusted a bit. As I pulled up closer to my house my attitude faded. I ran into Safeway and grabbed a few things for myself this evening and as I walked into the house I realized, I don't really have it as bad as my attitude was...

I've spent a lot of my life not knowing or understanding my worth. Recently this plunge back into the dating scene has caused me to focus on what I am truly worth and what I am and am not, willing to put up with. I'm worth more than the last two guys I married ever treated me like and it managed to get me into this mind frame that those relationships were the best I was going to get. Wrong. I'm a good person, I volunteer - I'm active in my son's life. I'm not going to settle for someone less than what I want. I'm not in a hurry to fall in love with anyone. Heck, I'm not entirely sure I even know what love is when it comes to loving someone other than family. However, I'm slowly learning to fall in love with myself. Physically i'm not where I want to be, however I am really interested in joining the new Kickboxing gym coming in local to me. (Anyone else want to join with me?!) I'm so very thankful for my close friends who have helped support...

I have a date this weekend. We've been texting on and off for awhile. He got back together with his ex at one point about a year ago and honestly I shouldn't have been even thinking of dating that close to when H2 and a I split. He emailed me again on POF and we started texting again. It's been about three weeks of nonstop texting. We seem to get along well. There are definitely some things we don't agree on... which includes politics, but unlike H2 and I (oh politics and that man, insane) we can agree to disagree on things. He's from Ohio, he messages me "Good Morning Beautiful" every morning when he wakes up. I think it's cute in a ridiculous way. He drives a truck and owns a Harley. I've never ridden a motorcycle before, but it sounds like fun. He says his worst habit is being an asshole when people are rude to him. I can live with that, as long as he keeps it in check. Anyway, i'll be an interesting date. I'm not sure what we are do...

I've texted, he hasn't replied. I'm done - I may have messed up, but it's his loss as much as mine. I'm not going to chase someone down who obviously can't take the time to text back. Not going to lie, it sucks, but it is what it is and it's time to get over it. It's time to throw myself into other activities. Fall is my favorite season, so we have multiple pumpkin patch trips planned this year. Washington has amazing fall colors and it's surprisingly warm during the day, which makes for some fun trips. C's Scouting troop is going to take over a corn maze one of the weekends, it'll definitely be entertaining! Next thing I know it'll be Halloween, C's birthday in November, Thanksgiving, Christmas and 2019 will be knocking at our door. In my head i'm already making some resolutions for 2019, however i'm planning on starting them in 2018. The first resolution might just be stop stressing over guys who don't stress over yo...

Via POF Message - the black is the actual message, the blue is what was going through my mind... Him: Hi how are you. I'm A**c you are beautiful Me: Hi A**c - it's nice to meet you Him: Ha, nice to meet you too. I'm at work, can I text you when i'm off hun warning, warning, warning.... do not correct his grammar, it's rude. Me: I don't text right away. I've had too many bad experiences with guys who are less than moral... i'm sorry that you have to suffer for their mistakes. I'd be happy to talk to you on here. Him: Ok, i'm not like these other guys hun. I'm retired military I work in repossession and i'm in process for Snohomish county sherriff's i'm very loving caring guy and very affectionate person. Holy cow, does this guy know what a comma or a period is? Lets change the subject and see what he says... Me: Repossession? That must be a hard job. I'm glad my car payment is in full. LOL Him: ...

Life has been all about baseball lately, practices and games were four times a week - plus balancing cub scouts, violin, birthday parties and any other random social events makes for one heck of a busy single mom. If it wasn't busy enough we won our championship and ended up in the tournament of champions. Unfortunately yesterday was a bitter sweet eliminating loss. It's a sad it's over but happy it happened situation. I made some new friends, C had amazing experiences and we have both grown to love baseball even more. You would be amazed at how into a game one can get... especially when your kid is playing. Last week was H2 and my 2nd marriage anniversary. It hadn't really crossed my mind until the pictures showed up in my facebook feed. It was almost a trigger moment as a couple tears did manage to escape. It tried to tug me back into that dark place I was in when I was with him. Where chaos and insanity ruled and I felt like everything was always my fault. I know t...

That's right, you read it - I'm going to have a divorce party from H2. Never before have I wanted to celebrate something like a divorce, but this time a celebration needs to commence. Sh*t went down on the divorce front at the end of last week. It included a domestic lawsuit among other things. I'm out for blood - but not the revenge type. The you screwed with the wrong girl and it's about time you paid type. I talked to a photographer friend of mine about doing a wreck the dress photo shoot. I'm in the mood to go above and beyond anything else I've done. The goal is a self empowering, I am woman watch me roar shoot. I'm even thinking of wearing black lingerie under the dress that as things get trashed it starts to show. It's WAY edgy for me, because sexy isn't usually on the list of words that I'd use to describe myself, but I think the step outside of my box would be good for me. Paint, water and fire definitely need to be involved... that ...

I admit it - I've never watched the fifty-shades series of movies. Until this weekend... The house was quiet (well, as quiet as can be with two kittens running around) since C is at H1's house for midwinter break. I had some crafting to do and decided that I would watch something adult. 50 Shades was a rental on Amazon and I thought, why not... for $3.99 even if it is THAT horrible it's not like I broke the bank renting it. So I watched it - This movie left me with a really, really off feeling. What you want to do with your sex life is what you want to do and I'm totally cool with that - however Christian Gray blasted through so many boundaries. That lifestyle is all about consent, but he consistently broke right through Anastasia's boundaries. Who the heck shows up in a girls apartment with a bottle of wine after she broke up with him or sends her flowers because he's stalking her on her first day of work. The first one ended so abruptly that I had...

This weekend was a little crazy at our house. I wasn't supposed to have my kiddo (it's H1's weekend) but ended up having him so his dad could do some computer work. I will never pass up an opportunity to hang out with C, so we headed off to the Seattle Science Center with some good friends. Saturday evening I had a date scheduled with K.  We had been talking online for awhile, that moved to text messages and then we finally met in person. We were originally going to meet on Friday night, however Friday evening turned into a cluster of things I needed to get done before Saturday. He was irritated that Friday didn't happen, I can't blame him there. I just got busy and time got away from me. Anyway, Saturday we met for dinner at Sushi Zen - an excellent sushi spot in Mill Creek. We met about 7:30, I wore jeans, boots and a t-shirt because fancy was not on the agenda for me. He had assured me on the phone that he wasn't dressing up either - that was an understat...

Evidently "Lose my number" - means find me on every social media site or dating site that you possibly can and keep emailing to George. I got a hit on Plenty of Fish this weekend from George....  Him : "I miss you already. I'm going to start a job in Everett and we should go on another date again soon" Me: "It's not going to happen George."  Thank goodness for the block button. and 90 people read my last blog... HOLY CRAP that is AWESOME!!

Oh. My. Goodness.... wait until you guys here about this one... I can't even think up an interesting name to call the guy. Lets just call him something boring, like George. George and I had plans on Saturday to go down to Brooklyn Brothers Pizza and hit up Funko. Since I had an minor oral surgery on Thursday and George had to work till one, we put off the date until Sunday. It was fine by me, I spent Saturday at home watching Netflix and doing laundry. Sunday rolled around and I put on a pair of jeans and a cute shirt, dressing up wasn't on my list of things to do. I wasn't sure what I thought of George, we had been talking for awhile and he seemed nice. I got to Brooklyn Brothers (not before shooting off a text to my wonderful neighbor letting her know where I was) and we grabbed a seat. The conversation was fine, nothing super interesting. I felt like I yammered on a bit more than usual, but it kept things going at least. The lunch was uneventful, he told me about his...

I've been texting back and forth with P for awhile now. I've had my son for the past three weekends in a row (we went winter camping in the snow, it was AMAZING) and life has been busy. Last night we were trying to ferment plans for the weekend, he offered to come over to my house with a pizza and we could watch movies and hang out.... I think that my answer was a bit harsh, but really... I know that coming over for pizza and getting to know each other (yeah, there *might* be an ulterior motive there but i'm honestly not sure at this point) sounds like a great idea, but here's the deal... I'm a single mom who lives with her nine year old son. If you think for one minute random internet guy that i'm going to let you come over and hang out at my house you have another thing coming to you. My reply to him: P: I could bring pizza and a movie to your place. Me: Really? P: Would that be cool? Me: Lets think this through... am I going to invite a man i've ne...

2017 was a rough year for me. I found out H2 (husband #2) married someone else, while we were still married. We were under contract for too many houses to count, my apartment was packed and we were moving. I found out H2 was nothing but a narcissistic con artist who got off on taking advantage of me. H2 lied to me to the point where he told me he had cancer (seriously, who lies about that!). Everytime I came near to catching on to his scheme he would light fireworks in the opposite direction and completely divert my attention. At one point my dad very articulately pointed out that H2 and Donald Trump have A LOT in common and no, that's not a good thing. I've gone from a reality where I was so on edge I thought I was losing my mind (precisely where he wanted me) to somewhere in between where I finally feel like i'm back in control of myself without having to walk on pins and needles. I've also learned that a good therapist is worth their weight in gold. At first I w...

That's right folks, I did it again and went out on another date. We had been talking back and forth (both text and on the phone!) for quite some time. We had a couple dates planned, however one things lead to another and two were cancelled. One was my fault and the other was his so i've gotta take 50% of the blame on this one. This date was a bit on the fly, as I was riding on the ferry back home from Thanksgiving when he asked what I was up to that evening. I figured I had nothing to lose, why not! After consulting with my awesome neighbor (and FRIEND) letting her know where I was going and who I was with, just to make sure if I didn't turn back up someone would know where to start looking... We met at Outback, which is a great place. Since it was 8pm, which is getting towards my bedtime, we decided to just do salad and a bloomin' onion. I know that Outback's Bloomin' Onions have a great reputation, but honestly folks... it was okay and I was unimpressed. H...

Today I am feeling old, at the old age of 35 (yes folks, that is what we call sarcasm) I've realized that really the only way to date is online. I went out to the bar with a friend last weekend, after Produce Guy, we had a blast. We go out about once a year and call it "dirty drinking" while hitting the local dive/biker bar. Admittedly, it was a confidence boost as there were multiple guys who "liked my shirt". Seriously, that was the pick up line for at least three guys. The most memorable of the shirt liking guys was a musician. Seemed like a nice guy, he really wanted me to go out to his truck, smoke some weed and listen to him play on his keyboard. While there was no chance he was going to get me out to his truck, I did later find out that his truck was not only his form of transportation, it was also his home. So homeless, pot smoking, keyboard player, good luck with your search but keep on movin'. But I think I'll keep my  Target Plaid Shirt  a...

Hair curled, check. Nails painted, check. Knee high, I feel amazing about myself boots, check. Show off the boobs shirt, check. Flask, because a little liquid courage can't do anything but help, check. I went on a date this weekend. It was absolutely pouring rain when I pulled up at Starbucks. He was standing outside waiting. Why was he standing outside waiting in the rain, I have no idea but he was but there he was. Sweatshirt, jeans and a grocery store cap, his hands shoved in his pocket like a high school boy on his first date. He was tall and lanky in an awkward type of way, he rocked back and forth on his heels as I hurried up to the door. After a very awkward hug, that I wasn't expecting that realistically turned out to be more like a bro hug, we hurried into the warm, friendly Starbucks atmosphere that all of us Washingtonians are familiar with. As we sit down at a table in the corner he blurts out, "I'm not much of a talker." and looks at me like a...