Decisions
I made the decision yesterday to end the relationship I was in. It was one of the harder decisions I've made for quite awhile. He is someone that I care about, but i'm not able to be the person that he needs.
It's the first time in a long time I've let someone into my son's life. My son and his son got along great, he just asked about his son tonight and if they could hang out again. I had to tell my son I wasn't sure, it depends on a lot of things. I made a mistake in letting things happen to quickly because I was wrapped up in a relationship that I thought was going to be amazing. He brought me flowers and fixed my car. He told me he loved me, but I wasn't ready. I cared deeply, but love is such a hard word. Every man I've loved has managed to walk out of my life. I couldn't love that quickly. I cared deeply, but love - that's big for me. It's life changing big... I was falling in love. I couldn't say it back and it caused some tension. There are other aspects involved, but it was a big one.
Relationships are hard. Sometimes they are worth working for and sometimes they are worth walking away from. Admittedly I wish that he had fought a bit more and spent some more time trying to work things out, but I can't be judgemental because I was the one who pulled the plug.
Do you ever feel like you'd just like to go to the beach where there is nothing in the way. Just you and the weather and your thoughts. With the wind in your face and the ocean crashing... Allowing you to be alone with your emotions to just feel. To hurt, to be sad to let it all fly away in the wind and just be free of emotion and feeling. Just for a few minutes... It's where i'd like to be right this second.
It's the first time in a long time I've let someone into my son's life. My son and his son got along great, he just asked about his son tonight and if they could hang out again. I had to tell my son I wasn't sure, it depends on a lot of things. I made a mistake in letting things happen to quickly because I was wrapped up in a relationship that I thought was going to be amazing. He brought me flowers and fixed my car. He told me he loved me, but I wasn't ready. I cared deeply, but love is such a hard word. Every man I've loved has managed to walk out of my life. I couldn't love that quickly. I cared deeply, but love - that's big for me. It's life changing big... I was falling in love. I couldn't say it back and it caused some tension. There are other aspects involved, but it was a big one.
Relationships are hard. Sometimes they are worth working for and sometimes they are worth walking away from. Admittedly I wish that he had fought a bit more and spent some more time trying to work things out, but I can't be judgemental because I was the one who pulled the plug.
Do you ever feel like you'd just like to go to the beach where there is nothing in the way. Just you and the weather and your thoughts. With the wind in your face and the ocean crashing... Allowing you to be alone with your emotions to just feel. To hurt, to be sad to let it all fly away in the wind and just be free of emotion and feeling. Just for a few minutes... It's where i'd like to be right this second.
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