Third time is a charm

This weekend the kiddo and I took off on a much needed R&R camping trip. We loaded the car up and left directly after work to get on the ferry boat headed towards the woods! Let me tell you, I've been excited the entire week to get away. I just needed to clear my mind and reset my body. This camping opportunity came at the perfect time, the universe definitely took care of me. However, the universe also threw an opportunity at me that I didn't see coming under any circumstance... We waited about an hour in the ferry line, which is totally common for a Friday afternoon. C played on his phone and I enjoyed the scenery as we inched closer and closer in line. Finally we loaded on to the boat. We lucked out and got a great spot right in the front on the side. The boat has four main lanes in the middle and on both sides they have a lower and upper deck to park cars. We were the first car on the ramp coming down from the upper deck. I couldn't remember if I had packed...

When I was growing up my mom always told me that I would be able to count my friends on my hand. I always thought I was ahead of the game because I had more friends than fingers. More recently I've come to realize how very true her words are. This evening at baseball I sat with two other parents in the wind and pouring rain. Thankfully one parent was the smarter of the three and came packing a portable propane heater. As the wind blew the heater would sputter and both of us screamed, laughed and commiserated in the cold together. Most of the other parents had dropped their kids and left, not wanting to spend time in the rain or having other obligations. The parents that were out in the rain, they're my tribe. The parents that participate in Cub Scouts with their kid, those parents are my tribe too. The parents who parent, care about their kid and want to support their kid - those are my people. The parents who celebrate the good moments and help process the bad. I am so tha...

I haven't blogged for awhile... I was reminded of that yesterday :) Life has been busy, baseball season is back in full swing and I've volunteered for even more this year. I like it, being around the kids keeps me happy and oddly enough sane. Everyone always says "oh, they're so lucky to have you" - but in all honesty, I feel lucky to have them. This morning was rough for me. One of my techs left a key they needed in the shop and I needed to take it out to them. What I didn't realize was that trip out was going to be a trip down the H2 memory lane. Suddenly it hit me like a brick and I was on the bridge over Fisherman's terminal, turning onto the road that went directly by the terminal. The amount of times I made this trip just to spend 10 minutes with H2 came flooding back to me. It was a mixture of sadness and anger, next thing I knew  I was driving along absolutely crying my eyes out. I hadn't been anywhere near that area since we split and it j...

I've spent a lot of my life not knowing or understanding my worth. Recently this plunge back into the dating scene has caused me to focus on what I am truly worth and what I am and am not, willing to put up with. I'm worth more than the last two guys I married ever treated me like and it managed to get me into this mind frame that those relationships were the best I was going to get. Wrong. I'm a good person, I volunteer - I'm active in my son's life. I'm not going to settle for someone less than what I want. I'm not in a hurry to fall in love with anyone. Heck, I'm not entirely sure I even know what love is when it comes to loving someone other than family. However, I'm slowly learning to fall in love with myself. Physically i'm not where I want to be, however I am really interested in joining the new Kickboxing gym coming in local to me. (Anyone else want to join with me?!) I'm so very thankful for my close friends who have helped support...

My most recent texting conversation... I'm not even sure what to call this guy, but by the end I was definitely baiting him for my own entertainment purposes. There was a strange obsession with an App called WhatsApp, I refused to download it on my phone - here's how it went down... Can you please help do something?    What? I want you to download WhatsApp because it's easy to use.     Nope. Why?     I don't want it on my phone. Because I cannot continue like this     Well, I'm sorry to hear that you can't continue to text message on your phone. WhatsApp is easy to text and do video call.     Your cell phone can't text or do video call? What do you mean?     Never mind. So please let use that communicate     This isn't going to work. Good luck on your search for the perfect WhatsApp girl. …. oh here's where it gets good. My mom called and I ended up on the phone with her for 15 minut...

361 days ago I got a message over Facebook. "Stephanie, can I ask you who your husband is...?" After a bit more back and forth conversation and some picture proof I realized that my husband, who had been devoted to working on the house he purchased for us, wasn't really working on the house. He was spending time with his new wife and her kids. I've spent the better part of a year dwelling and obsessing... where is he..? what is he doing..? WHO is he doing..? This was followed by the Why's. Why me? Why her? and the what's... What did I do wrong? I was laying in bed last night thinking about everything when my thoughts changed. They changed to everything that is great going on. I have an amazing group of friends who have been so supportive of the ups and downs the past year. I've made new friends, grown closer with some friends and have gotten to the point where I can date a wonderfully understanding guy, who I am continually thankful for. I've re...

So this happened :   https://www.instagram.com/p/Blo1cWXjLr2/                                https://www.instagram.com/p/Blo1xjfjENN/ I'll completely admit it - I went back and forth about being okay with this. People are mean and trolls, I don't need that in my life. I'm not the least confident person in the world, but I'm not the most confident either. Life threw a wrench in my wheels and I'm finally overcoming that, knocking myself back down doesn't sound like a fun ride. However, there will be haters in life and that is what it is. This photo set was so amazing that sharing it with the world seemed appropriate. For the first time I went on and read the comments. They actually brought me to tears. My hope is that someone will realize that even though divorce sucks and is really tough, they'll get through it. They'll even come out a stronger person. Sometimes you just need to hear that it will ...

Via POF Message - the black is the actual message, the blue is what was going through my mind... Him: Hi how are you. I'm A**c you are beautiful Me: Hi A**c - it's nice to meet you Him: Ha, nice to meet you too. I'm at work, can I text you when i'm off hun warning, warning, warning.... do not correct his grammar, it's rude. Me: I don't text right away. I've had too many bad experiences with guys who are less than moral... i'm sorry that you have to suffer for their mistakes. I'd be happy to talk to you on here. Him: Ok, i'm not like these other guys hun. I'm retired military I work in repossession and i'm in process for Snohomish county sherriff's i'm very loving caring guy and very affectionate person. Holy cow, does this guy know what a comma or a period is? Lets change the subject and see what he says... Me: Repossession? That must be a hard job. I'm glad my car payment is in full. LOL Him: ...

Awhile ago I wrote about an amazing photo shoot I did, a wreck the dress shoot with my wedding dress from H2. While we aren't quite divorced yet, this was the most freeing thing I could have done for myself. It helped with closure and helped me get out of my own head. Here's how it went... We started out with some champagne.... Then we moved on to some paint...  Next came the red wine... Then the real fun started when the lighter fluid and scissors came out to play.. and then it burned... oh did it burn. It was a lovely sight. It actually continued to burn enough that we had to throw rocks at it and make sure it sunk and burned out! A mini celebration came after the dress sunk Photo credits go to Dani Griffin at After Midnight Photography. Follow her, love her and hire her for pictures. She is amazing... she does our family pictures too. I just got back some amazing pictures of C and I from a 50's style photo shoot! <3 <3 <3 ...

I think in every post I've written I've mentioned how busy life is. There are sometimes I look back and think dang, it would be so nice to have someone helping out. However after those moments I realize that while sometimes life deals a single parent double the hard moments, it also brings double the amazing moments. I was sitting at C's school yesterday, waiting for his violin concert to start. H1 was there - because big events he needs to post pictures and act like dad of the year at. We were just waiting for the kids to come in when out of the blue C comes running up behind us, grabs me and gives me the biggest hug. "Mom, I'm so glad your here!". He proceeds to sit down and tell me all about his worries about being on stage, what if he messes up his strings (it was plucking twinkle, twinkle... pretty sure you'll survive kid!) or what if he pukes on stage. He then plopped down next to me, wrapped his arms around my waist and rested on my shoulder to watc...

I did it! I did the wreck the dress shoot, I went through a time where I thought for awhile I wasn't going to do it, but I did it and I'm quite pleased with myself. I have to admit, when I slipped that wedding dress back on it was a strange feeling. The thought went through my head, what the heck are you doing... but then we opened a bottle of wine and it was down hill from there. This was a lot of planning for me, I wanted it to be the perfect storm of amazingness. I ended up wearing a pair of booty shorts, thigh high stockings (with bows), a black scalloped tank top and knee high black boots under my dress, which was probably what took the most thought. We started off by taking sparkling wine and fizzing it into the air, all over me and the dress. It was my own personal celebration! We then moved on to purple and blue paint in condiment containers and gold spray paint. All over the dress, I even put it on the ground and rolled in it. After the paint we moved on to red wi...

It was 10:00 at night, I was exhausted and headed to bed when google calendar flashed me a reminder... "anniversary of first date". My eyes welled up in that raw emotion and I cried. It's been months since I've laid in bed and mourned my loss. I cried for the things that have been and the things that should have been. After about 10 minutes I realized that I was crying for a reason different from those I've cried for before. I realized that I was crying over H2, I was crying for myself, for what I felt should have been. I wasn't crying because I felt wronged or because H2 royally screwed me over. It really had very little to do with H2. I cried for what I want for myself in the future, I cried for the person I thought I had. The person I thought was my person. I took a deep breath, dried my tears, blew my nose and spent a moment looking back on myself and the journey that this has been. The things I've learned, the things I know now. The raw emotion doesn...

That's right, you read it - I'm going to have a divorce party from H2. Never before have I wanted to celebrate something like a divorce, but this time a celebration needs to commence. Sh*t went down on the divorce front at the end of last week. It included a domestic lawsuit among other things. I'm out for blood - but not the revenge type. The you screwed with the wrong girl and it's about time you paid type. I talked to a photographer friend of mine about doing a wreck the dress photo shoot. I'm in the mood to go above and beyond anything else I've done. The goal is a self empowering, I am woman watch me roar shoot. I'm even thinking of wearing black lingerie under the dress that as things get trashed it starts to show. It's WAY edgy for me, because sexy isn't usually on the list of words that I'd use to describe myself, but I think the step outside of my box would be good for me. Paint, water and fire definitely need to be involved... that ...