Last night I cried...

It was 10:00 at night, I was exhausted and headed to bed when google calendar flashed me a reminder... "anniversary of first date". My eyes welled up in that raw emotion and I cried. It's been months since I've laid in bed and mourned my loss. I cried for the things that have been and the things that should have been. After about 10 minutes I realized that I was crying for a reason different from those I've cried for before. I realized that I was crying over H2, I was crying for myself, for what I felt should have been. I wasn't crying because I felt wronged or because H2 royally screwed me over. It really had very little to do with H2. I cried for what I want for myself in the future, I cried for the person I thought I had. The person I thought was my person. I took a deep breath, dried my tears, blew my nose and spent a moment looking back on myself and the journey that this has been. The things I've learned, the things I know now. The raw emotion doesn't come up as often, but when it does it sweeps over me like a tsunami. I've also learned that it's okay to feel that way and it's okay to just let the wave wash over you. I've wished for years I could turn my emotions off, they're so deep that often times they're overwhelming. I'm learning and evolving into a person who can accept those emotions (at proper times) take a deep breath and not be afraid to just feel. 

I sat straight up in bed and the only thing I wanted to do was plan my wreck the dress photo shoot. It now involves champagne, black lingerie and high heels. Going from the sweetest most innocent version that I can see of myself to the most bad ass version I can possibly be. I felt empowered, I felt like it was okay to cry about what happened and what I lost - but I also felt empowered to change, evolve and try something new. It was another point of evolution on the path of becoming who I want to be. 

Emotions are still a bit raw today, but that's okay. Feeling and emotion is part of life and I have learned that it's okay to embrace those emotions. I'm so thankful for those of you that have been nothing but an unwavering support along the way. I couldn't walk this journey without you.