Third time is a charm

I made the decision yesterday to end the relationship I was in. It was one of the harder decisions I've made for quite awhile. He is someone that I care about, but i'm not able to be the person that he needs. It's the first time in a long time I've let someone into my son's life. My son and his son got along great, he just asked about his son tonight and if they could hang out again. I had to tell my son I wasn't sure, it depends on a lot of things. I made a mistake in letting things happen to quickly because I was wrapped up in a relationship that I thought was going to be amazing. He brought me flowers and fixed my car. He told me he loved me, but I wasn't ready. I cared deeply, but love is such a hard word. Every man I've loved has managed to walk out of my life. I couldn't love that quickly. I cared deeply, but love - that's big for me. It's life changing big... I was falling in love. I couldn't say it back and it caused some tensio...

Ghosting is this new thing where the person your talking to (or dating) just disappears because they are too chicken to say it's not working or they found a better option. It's a crap way to behave and thanks to technology it's a growing thing. I recently went on a couple dates with a guy. On our last date we went to Olive Garden. I'm pretty sure he thought we were going to a really classy place... so I think we're going to call this guy Never Ending Pasta. You'll never guess what he ordered. Anyway, Never Ending Pasta and I were supposed to go to the local hockey team game. They're in the playoffs and I got seats on the glass to have an amazing view of the game. The deal was I'd get the tickets and he'd get dinner before the game. I texted about midday, called in the early afternoon. No response. He ghosted me, never called or texted back. I went to the game, had a couple drinks (thought I was SUPER COOL drinking beer with a straw) with my amazi...

When I was growing up my mom always told me that I would be able to count my friends on my hand. I always thought I was ahead of the game because I had more friends than fingers. More recently I've come to realize how very true her words are. This evening at baseball I sat with two other parents in the wind and pouring rain. Thankfully one parent was the smarter of the three and came packing a portable propane heater. As the wind blew the heater would sputter and both of us screamed, laughed and commiserated in the cold together. Most of the other parents had dropped their kids and left, not wanting to spend time in the rain or having other obligations. The parents that were out in the rain, they're my tribe. The parents that participate in Cub Scouts with their kid, those parents are my tribe too. The parents who parent, care about their kid and want to support their kid - those are my people. The parents who celebrate the good moments and help process the bad. I am so tha...

I've spent a lot of my life not knowing or understanding my worth. Recently this plunge back into the dating scene has caused me to focus on what I am truly worth and what I am and am not, willing to put up with. I'm worth more than the last two guys I married ever treated me like and it managed to get me into this mind frame that those relationships were the best I was going to get. Wrong. I'm a good person, I volunteer - I'm active in my son's life. I'm not going to settle for someone less than what I want. I'm not in a hurry to fall in love with anyone. Heck, I'm not entirely sure I even know what love is when it comes to loving someone other than family. However, I'm slowly learning to fall in love with myself. Physically i'm not where I want to be, however I am really interested in joining the new Kickboxing gym coming in local to me. (Anyone else want to join with me?!) I'm so very thankful for my close friends who have helped support...

I have a date this weekend. We've been texting on and off for awhile. He got back together with his ex at one point about a year ago and honestly I shouldn't have been even thinking of dating that close to when H2 and a I split. He emailed me again on POF and we started texting again. It's been about three weeks of nonstop texting. We seem to get along well. There are definitely some things we don't agree on... which includes politics, but unlike H2 and I (oh politics and that man, insane) we can agree to disagree on things. He's from Ohio, he messages me "Good Morning Beautiful" every morning when he wakes up. I think it's cute in a ridiculous way. He drives a truck and owns a Harley. I've never ridden a motorcycle before, but it sounds like fun. He says his worst habit is being an asshole when people are rude to him. I can live with that, as long as he keeps it in check. Anyway, i'll be an interesting date. I'm not sure what we are do...

It's a serious blog type of day... When H2 and I split a good friend of mine (who just happens to be a therapist) recommended a therapist for me to go see. For awhile I was hesitant because in my own head seeing a therapist meant that something was wrong and something being wrong meant that H2 had gotten to me. In hindsight now I can look back on the years we spent together and honestly say that man mentally and emotionally destroyed me. The damage was done during our relationship, not after and the destruction was deeper then I could have ever imagined. Within a few sessions my therapist diagnosed me with PTSD. I asked a lot of questions because PTSD was reserved for troops and people who had seen and been through horrible things in their life. PTSD is for people who have served in wars and suffered losses that I could not scratch the surface of being able to relate to. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, it was that point where I really began to realize the fragile mental positio...

First of all, wonderful news - I'm officially divorced. I wasn't sure how I'd feel the day it happened, but in the end the amount of relief off of my shoulders was amazing. I talked to H2's newest wife a couple days leading up to the divorce, she's got herself in one heck of a bad situation. There is a part of me that wanted to help save her from the evilness that he is, but the other part of me knows that I can't get pulled back into the black abyss that is H2. I sent her some information on free legal aid in her county and told her that if she ever felt crazy and needed to talk I could help remind her she isn't the crazy one. Outside of that, I just can't. It bothered me, I felt like a bad person because of it - but I can't go down that road again. I'm over the mountain and happily skipping down the other side. I can't pull myself back up again. I've opted to leave the entire situation in the dust... no longer my circus or my monkeys. ...

So this happened :   https://www.instagram.com/p/Blo1cWXjLr2/                                https://www.instagram.com/p/Blo1xjfjENN/ I'll completely admit it - I went back and forth about being okay with this. People are mean and trolls, I don't need that in my life. I'm not the least confident person in the world, but I'm not the most confident either. Life threw a wrench in my wheels and I'm finally overcoming that, knocking myself back down doesn't sound like a fun ride. However, there will be haters in life and that is what it is. This photo set was so amazing that sharing it with the world seemed appropriate. For the first time I went on and read the comments. They actually brought me to tears. My hope is that someone will realize that even though divorce sucks and is really tough, they'll get through it. They'll even come out a stronger person. Sometimes you just need to hear that it will ...

Life has been all about baseball lately, practices and games were four times a week - plus balancing cub scouts, violin, birthday parties and any other random social events makes for one heck of a busy single mom. If it wasn't busy enough we won our championship and ended up in the tournament of champions. Unfortunately yesterday was a bitter sweet eliminating loss. It's a sad it's over but happy it happened situation. I made some new friends, C had amazing experiences and we have both grown to love baseball even more. You would be amazed at how into a game one can get... especially when your kid is playing. Last week was H2 and my 2nd marriage anniversary. It hadn't really crossed my mind until the pictures showed up in my facebook feed. It was almost a trigger moment as a couple tears did manage to escape. It tried to tug me back into that dark place I was in when I was with him. Where chaos and insanity ruled and I felt like everything was always my fault. I know t...

I did it! I did the wreck the dress shoot, I went through a time where I thought for awhile I wasn't going to do it, but I did it and I'm quite pleased with myself. I have to admit, when I slipped that wedding dress back on it was a strange feeling. The thought went through my head, what the heck are you doing... but then we opened a bottle of wine and it was down hill from there. This was a lot of planning for me, I wanted it to be the perfect storm of amazingness. I ended up wearing a pair of booty shorts, thigh high stockings (with bows), a black scalloped tank top and knee high black boots under my dress, which was probably what took the most thought. We started off by taking sparkling wine and fizzing it into the air, all over me and the dress. It was my own personal celebration! We then moved on to purple and blue paint in condiment containers and gold spray paint. All over the dress, I even put it on the ground and rolled in it. After the paint we moved on to red wi...