Third time is a charm

I made the decision yesterday to end the relationship I was in. It was one of the harder decisions I've made for quite awhile. He is someone that I care about, but i'm not able to be the person that he needs. It's the first time in a long time I've let someone into my son's life. My son and his son got along great, he just asked about his son tonight and if they could hang out again. I had to tell my son I wasn't sure, it depends on a lot of things. I made a mistake in letting things happen to quickly because I was wrapped up in a relationship that I thought was going to be amazing. He brought me flowers and fixed my car. He told me he loved me, but I wasn't ready. I cared deeply, but love is such a hard word. Every man I've loved has managed to walk out of my life. I couldn't love that quickly. I cared deeply, but love - that's big for me. It's life changing big... I was falling in love. I couldn't say it back and it caused some tensio...

Summer happened and this blog certainly didn't... School starts tomorrow and things are starting to fall (haha, pun not intended) into our normal routine of organized chaos. I'm stressed but it always turns out okay in the end. This summer consisted of family and friends with a handful of dates sprinkled in the middle. I have to admit by the end of July I had pretty much just given up on the dating scene of life. If I had one more guy tell me I spend too much time with my kid I was going to seriously loose my mind, probably on whoever that unsuspecting guy was. We are a package deal, take it or leave it - end of story. I spent some time being single, hanging out with some amazing drama free friends. I think it's the most fun I've had going out in a long time. We played pool at the local dive bar and hit the casino for some dancing. There were definitely some antics going on which was just good fun. By mid July I had gotten to the point where I was happy being sing...

This weekend the kiddo and I took off on a much needed R&R camping trip. We loaded the car up and left directly after work to get on the ferry boat headed towards the woods! Let me tell you, I've been excited the entire week to get away. I just needed to clear my mind and reset my body. This camping opportunity came at the perfect time, the universe definitely took care of me. However, the universe also threw an opportunity at me that I didn't see coming under any circumstance... We waited about an hour in the ferry line, which is totally common for a Friday afternoon. C played on his phone and I enjoyed the scenery as we inched closer and closer in line. Finally we loaded on to the boat. We lucked out and got a great spot right in the front on the side. The boat has four main lanes in the middle and on both sides they have a lower and upper deck to park cars. We were the first car on the ramp coming down from the upper deck. I couldn't remember if I had packed...

Ghosting is this new thing where the person your talking to (or dating) just disappears because they are too chicken to say it's not working or they found a better option. It's a crap way to behave and thanks to technology it's a growing thing. I recently went on a couple dates with a guy. On our last date we went to Olive Garden. I'm pretty sure he thought we were going to a really classy place... so I think we're going to call this guy Never Ending Pasta. You'll never guess what he ordered. Anyway, Never Ending Pasta and I were supposed to go to the local hockey team game. They're in the playoffs and I got seats on the glass to have an amazing view of the game. The deal was I'd get the tickets and he'd get dinner before the game. I texted about midday, called in the early afternoon. No response. He ghosted me, never called or texted back. I went to the game, had a couple drinks (thought I was SUPER COOL drinking beer with a straw) with my amazi...

When I was growing up my mom always told me that I would be able to count my friends on my hand. I always thought I was ahead of the game because I had more friends than fingers. More recently I've come to realize how very true her words are. This evening at baseball I sat with two other parents in the wind and pouring rain. Thankfully one parent was the smarter of the three and came packing a portable propane heater. As the wind blew the heater would sputter and both of us screamed, laughed and commiserated in the cold together. Most of the other parents had dropped their kids and left, not wanting to spend time in the rain or having other obligations. The parents that were out in the rain, they're my tribe. The parents that participate in Cub Scouts with their kid, those parents are my tribe too. The parents who parent, care about their kid and want to support their kid - those are my people. The parents who celebrate the good moments and help process the bad. I am so tha...

This morning I sat down at the computer to write a blog welcoming in 2019. I drafted it, reread it and set it down. I'm already in a bit of a funk, I dropped C off at his father's house last night for the week. While it was completely ridiculous to have him with me for the week at work, I miss him like crazy. This morning I felt that it was New Years and I wanted to be one of those girls who had an amazing person to kiss at midnight. I spent the day feeling sorry for myself and having a cruddy outlook on the last day of 2018. I dropped a friend off at the airport this evening and headed home. It is getting cold and potentially icy, plus I just don't like being on the road for NYE. As I drove home I talked to my mom and a good friend. My attitude adjusted a bit. As I pulled up closer to my house my attitude faded. I ran into Safeway and grabbed a few things for myself this evening and as I walked into the house I realized, I don't really have it as bad as my attitude was...

I've spent a lot of my life not knowing or understanding my worth. Recently this plunge back into the dating scene has caused me to focus on what I am truly worth and what I am and am not, willing to put up with. I'm worth more than the last two guys I married ever treated me like and it managed to get me into this mind frame that those relationships were the best I was going to get. Wrong. I'm a good person, I volunteer - I'm active in my son's life. I'm not going to settle for someone less than what I want. I'm not in a hurry to fall in love with anyone. Heck, I'm not entirely sure I even know what love is when it comes to loving someone other than family. However, I'm slowly learning to fall in love with myself. Physically i'm not where I want to be, however I am really interested in joining the new Kickboxing gym coming in local to me. (Anyone else want to join with me?!) I'm so very thankful for my close friends who have helped support...

I have a date this weekend. We've been texting on and off for awhile. He got back together with his ex at one point about a year ago and honestly I shouldn't have been even thinking of dating that close to when H2 and a I split. He emailed me again on POF and we started texting again. It's been about three weeks of nonstop texting. We seem to get along well. There are definitely some things we don't agree on... which includes politics, but unlike H2 and I (oh politics and that man, insane) we can agree to disagree on things. He's from Ohio, he messages me "Good Morning Beautiful" every morning when he wakes up. I think it's cute in a ridiculous way. He drives a truck and owns a Harley. I've never ridden a motorcycle before, but it sounds like fun. He says his worst habit is being an asshole when people are rude to him. I can live with that, as long as he keeps it in check. Anyway, i'll be an interesting date. I'm not sure what we are do...

I've texted, he hasn't replied. I'm done - I may have messed up, but it's his loss as much as mine. I'm not going to chase someone down who obviously can't take the time to text back. Not going to lie, it sucks, but it is what it is and it's time to get over it. It's time to throw myself into other activities. Fall is my favorite season, so we have multiple pumpkin patch trips planned this year. Washington has amazing fall colors and it's surprisingly warm during the day, which makes for some fun trips. C's Scouting troop is going to take over a corn maze one of the weekends, it'll definitely be entertaining! Next thing I know it'll be Halloween, C's birthday in November, Thanksgiving, Christmas and 2019 will be knocking at our door. In my head i'm already making some resolutions for 2019, however i'm planning on starting them in 2018. The first resolution might just be stop stressing over guys who don't stress over yo...

It was 10:00 at night, I was exhausted and headed to bed when google calendar flashed me a reminder... "anniversary of first date". My eyes welled up in that raw emotion and I cried. It's been months since I've laid in bed and mourned my loss. I cried for the things that have been and the things that should have been. After about 10 minutes I realized that I was crying for a reason different from those I've cried for before. I realized that I was crying over H2, I was crying for myself, for what I felt should have been. I wasn't crying because I felt wronged or because H2 royally screwed me over. It really had very little to do with H2. I cried for what I want for myself in the future, I cried for the person I thought I had. The person I thought was my person. I took a deep breath, dried my tears, blew my nose and spent a moment looking back on myself and the journey that this has been. The things I've learned, the things I know now. The raw emotion doesn...