Third time is a charm

I haven't blogged for awhile... I was reminded of that yesterday :) Life has been busy, baseball season is back in full swing and I've volunteered for even more this year. I like it, being around the kids keeps me happy and oddly enough sane. Everyone always says "oh, they're so lucky to have you" - but in all honesty, I feel lucky to have them. This morning was rough for me. One of my techs left a key they needed in the shop and I needed to take it out to them. What I didn't realize was that trip out was going to be a trip down the H2 memory lane. Suddenly it hit me like a brick and I was on the bridge over Fisherman's terminal, turning onto the road that went directly by the terminal. The amount of times I made this trip just to spend 10 minutes with H2 came flooding back to me. It was a mixture of sadness and anger, next thing I knew  I was driving along absolutely crying my eyes out. I hadn't been anywhere near that area since we split and it j...

This morning I sat down at the computer to write a blog welcoming in 2019. I drafted it, reread it and set it down. I'm already in a bit of a funk, I dropped C off at his father's house last night for the week. While it was completely ridiculous to have him with me for the week at work, I miss him like crazy. This morning I felt that it was New Years and I wanted to be one of those girls who had an amazing person to kiss at midnight. I spent the day feeling sorry for myself and having a cruddy outlook on the last day of 2018. I dropped a friend off at the airport this evening and headed home. It is getting cold and potentially icy, plus I just don't like being on the road for NYE. As I drove home I talked to my mom and a good friend. My attitude adjusted a bit. As I pulled up closer to my house my attitude faded. I ran into Safeway and grabbed a few things for myself this evening and as I walked into the house I realized, I don't really have it as bad as my attitude was...

It's a serious blog type of day... When H2 and I split a good friend of mine (who just happens to be a therapist) recommended a therapist for me to go see. For awhile I was hesitant because in my own head seeing a therapist meant that something was wrong and something being wrong meant that H2 had gotten to me. In hindsight now I can look back on the years we spent together and honestly say that man mentally and emotionally destroyed me. The damage was done during our relationship, not after and the destruction was deeper then I could have ever imagined. Within a few sessions my therapist diagnosed me with PTSD. I asked a lot of questions because PTSD was reserved for troops and people who had seen and been through horrible things in their life. PTSD is for people who have served in wars and suffered losses that I could not scratch the surface of being able to relate to. Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, it was that point where I really began to realize the fragile mental positio...

I've texted, he hasn't replied. I'm done - I may have messed up, but it's his loss as much as mine. I'm not going to chase someone down who obviously can't take the time to text back. Not going to lie, it sucks, but it is what it is and it's time to get over it. It's time to throw myself into other activities. Fall is my favorite season, so we have multiple pumpkin patch trips planned this year. Washington has amazing fall colors and it's surprisingly warm during the day, which makes for some fun trips. C's Scouting troop is going to take over a corn maze one of the weekends, it'll definitely be entertaining! Next thing I know it'll be Halloween, C's birthday in November, Thanksgiving, Christmas and 2019 will be knocking at our door. In my head i'm already making some resolutions for 2019, however i'm planning on starting them in 2018. The first resolution might just be stop stressing over guys who don't stress over yo...

361 days ago I got a message over Facebook. "Stephanie, can I ask you who your husband is...?" After a bit more back and forth conversation and some picture proof I realized that my husband, who had been devoted to working on the house he purchased for us, wasn't really working on the house. He was spending time with his new wife and her kids. I've spent the better part of a year dwelling and obsessing... where is he..? what is he doing..? WHO is he doing..? This was followed by the Why's. Why me? Why her? and the what's... What did I do wrong? I was laying in bed last night thinking about everything when my thoughts changed. They changed to everything that is great going on. I have an amazing group of friends who have been so supportive of the ups and downs the past year. I've made new friends, grown closer with some friends and have gotten to the point where I can date a wonderfully understanding guy, who I am continually thankful for. I've re...

First of all, wonderful news - I'm officially divorced. I wasn't sure how I'd feel the day it happened, but in the end the amount of relief off of my shoulders was amazing. I talked to H2's newest wife a couple days leading up to the divorce, she's got herself in one heck of a bad situation. There is a part of me that wanted to help save her from the evilness that he is, but the other part of me knows that I can't get pulled back into the black abyss that is H2. I sent her some information on free legal aid in her county and told her that if she ever felt crazy and needed to talk I could help remind her she isn't the crazy one. Outside of that, I just can't. It bothered me, I felt like a bad person because of it - but I can't go down that road again. I'm over the mountain and happily skipping down the other side. I can't pull myself back up again. I've opted to leave the entire situation in the dust... no longer my circus or my monkeys. ...

So this happened :   https://www.instagram.com/p/Blo1cWXjLr2/                                https://www.instagram.com/p/Blo1xjfjENN/ I'll completely admit it - I went back and forth about being okay with this. People are mean and trolls, I don't need that in my life. I'm not the least confident person in the world, but I'm not the most confident either. Life threw a wrench in my wheels and I'm finally overcoming that, knocking myself back down doesn't sound like a fun ride. However, there will be haters in life and that is what it is. This photo set was so amazing that sharing it with the world seemed appropriate. For the first time I went on and read the comments. They actually brought me to tears. My hope is that someone will realize that even though divorce sucks and is really tough, they'll get through it. They'll even come out a stronger person. Sometimes you just need to hear that it will ...

I think in every post I've written I've mentioned how busy life is. There are sometimes I look back and think dang, it would be so nice to have someone helping out. However after those moments I realize that while sometimes life deals a single parent double the hard moments, it also brings double the amazing moments. I was sitting at C's school yesterday, waiting for his violin concert to start. H1 was there - because big events he needs to post pictures and act like dad of the year at. We were just waiting for the kids to come in when out of the blue C comes running up behind us, grabs me and gives me the biggest hug. "Mom, I'm so glad your here!". He proceeds to sit down and tell me all about his worries about being on stage, what if he messes up his strings (it was plucking twinkle, twinkle... pretty sure you'll survive kid!) or what if he pukes on stage. He then plopped down next to me, wrapped his arms around my waist and rested on my shoulder to watc...