It's life...
I think in every post I've written I've mentioned how busy life is. There are sometimes I look back and think dang, it would be so nice to have someone helping out. However after those moments I realize that while sometimes life deals a single parent double the hard moments, it also brings double the amazing moments. I was sitting at C's school yesterday, waiting for his violin concert to start. H1 was there - because big events he needs to post pictures and act like dad of the year at. We were just waiting for the kids to come in when out of the blue C comes running up behind us, grabs me and gives me the biggest hug. "Mom, I'm so glad your here!". He proceeds to sit down and tell me all about his worries about being on stage, what if he messes up his strings (it was plucking twinkle, twinkle... pretty sure you'll survive kid!) or what if he pukes on stage. He then plopped down next to me, wrapped his arms around my waist and rested on my shoulder to watch the rest of the performances. I've been struggling a lot with what I'm going to do when he gets older and doesn't want me around. I've come to the conclusion that he's just going to have to get over it. I'm going to his games and concerts anyway - I've also come to the conclusion that I'm going to go out of my way to be active and supportive of him in any aspect (okay, MOST aspects) of his life for as long as I can be and enjoy every single day I get to be the mom of this wonderful kid.
The second epiphany I had this week is related to #mentalhealth. After my first divorce with H1 I was convinced I was fine and didn't need to talk to anyone. I had a mind set that mental health issues were for the weak. I was a newly single mom with a three year old child, weak did not have any business in my vocabulary. After the abusive hell that H2 put me through and some amazing therapist friends I finally sought help. I couldn't think straight, I doubted the truth - from anyone, I found myself constantly researching everything trying to find the lies in statements people made. While I've never thought of myself as broken, my heart, my mind and my soul were. Seeing a therapist and doing EMDR to deal with the PTSD that was caused by H2 has significantly changed my mental health and outlook on life. Putting those memories from traumatic into reprocessed memories has greatly helped me. With all the recent suicides it's caused me to realize how important mental health is and the stigma that society has placed on it. Thanks to my therapist and friends I've put my life back together and am once again the strong willed woman most of you know me to be. My point is, don't shy away from getting mental health help, if you need help ask. There is no shame in helping yourself to be a better person.
Ok, last paragraph - I know I told you last blog that I'm dating someone. It's nothing big, but we've been on four dates now... which has beaten my other records by three. He's quiet, which is hard for me because well, I'm not. However he is kind and compassionate which are two things that are really important to me. He loves kids and has a boy of his own, who actually played t-ball in the same league as C this year. He is understanding of our schedule, as I'm not ready to let him meet C - that's a BIG deal. He hasn't pushed at all, even though I've apologized profusely that I'm hard to date (especially during baseball season!) He's down in Cali right now, as a part of the Navy Reserves. He messages multiple times a day and we get along splendid. Is he the one...? ha, who knows if "the one" is even out there. Two divorces later I'm not ready to jump in with two feet, however testing out the water in this one has proven to be a nice temperature. We aren't exclusive and he hasn't pushed at all to be exclusive, which I really appreciate after the last crazy couple of dates. We will see where things go.... I still feel held back trying to get this divorce with H2 finished up. We will see what happens when that fully finalizes. --- I was talking to another guy who couldn't continue to talk to me because of my political views. It made me laugh... agreeing to disagree is important with me. Agreeing with him was important to him. I dodged a bullet on that one!
The second epiphany I had this week is related to #mentalhealth. After my first divorce with H1 I was convinced I was fine and didn't need to talk to anyone. I had a mind set that mental health issues were for the weak. I was a newly single mom with a three year old child, weak did not have any business in my vocabulary. After the abusive hell that H2 put me through and some amazing therapist friends I finally sought help. I couldn't think straight, I doubted the truth - from anyone, I found myself constantly researching everything trying to find the lies in statements people made. While I've never thought of myself as broken, my heart, my mind and my soul were. Seeing a therapist and doing EMDR to deal with the PTSD that was caused by H2 has significantly changed my mental health and outlook on life. Putting those memories from traumatic into reprocessed memories has greatly helped me. With all the recent suicides it's caused me to realize how important mental health is and the stigma that society has placed on it. Thanks to my therapist and friends I've put my life back together and am once again the strong willed woman most of you know me to be. My point is, don't shy away from getting mental health help, if you need help ask. There is no shame in helping yourself to be a better person.
Ok, last paragraph - I know I told you last blog that I'm dating someone. It's nothing big, but we've been on four dates now... which has beaten my other records by three. He's quiet, which is hard for me because well, I'm not. However he is kind and compassionate which are two things that are really important to me. He loves kids and has a boy of his own, who actually played t-ball in the same league as C this year. He is understanding of our schedule, as I'm not ready to let him meet C - that's a BIG deal. He hasn't pushed at all, even though I've apologized profusely that I'm hard to date (especially during baseball season!) He's down in Cali right now, as a part of the Navy Reserves. He messages multiple times a day and we get along splendid. Is he the one...? ha, who knows if "the one" is even out there. Two divorces later I'm not ready to jump in with two feet, however testing out the water in this one has proven to be a nice temperature. We aren't exclusive and he hasn't pushed at all to be exclusive, which I really appreciate after the last crazy couple of dates. We will see where things go.... I still feel held back trying to get this divorce with H2 finished up. We will see what happens when that fully finalizes. --- I was talking to another guy who couldn't continue to talk to me because of my political views. It made me laugh... agreeing to disagree is important with me. Agreeing with him was important to him. I dodged a bullet on that one!
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