It's over, it's starting and it's confusing!
First of all, wonderful news - I'm officially divorced. I wasn't sure how I'd feel the day it happened, but in the end the amount of relief off of my shoulders was amazing. I talked to H2's newest wife a couple days leading up to the divorce, she's got herself in one heck of a bad situation. There is a part of me that wanted to help save her from the evilness that he is, but the other part of me knows that I can't get pulled back into the black abyss that is H2. I sent her some information on free legal aid in her county and told her that if she ever felt crazy and needed to talk I could help remind her she isn't the crazy one. Outside of that, I just can't. It bothered me, I felt like a bad person because of it - but I can't go down that road again. I'm over the mountain and happily skipping down the other side. I can't pull myself back up again. I've opted to leave the entire situation in the dust... no longer my circus or my monkeys.
I'm still struggling with the how and when of relationships. PCG (Picnic Concert Guy) and I are enjoying spending time together, however I find myself over thinking WAY TOO MUCH. I know I am and can have great conversations with myself about over thinking, but it still doesn't stop it. I'm actively trying every single day to have boundaries but not put up walls. To enjoy the moments and be in the moment, not thinking about what is to come. I know that my past will always influence my future but i'm trying so hard to make a conscious decision to not let it influence in a negative way. I'm tellin' ya'll it's been a struggle lately. I enjoy his company, our relationship just continues to organically grow - which is great - I just keep thinking what is going to happen that will ruin it. We've talked about him meeting C - but what if C is a brat (which he definitely can be!) and PCG ends up hating C. What if C has a hard time sharing me with someone else... what if.... what if... what if... UGH - speaking of a black hole abyss. Somedays I would really like to tell myself to shut up.
On the flip side life is super busy, popcorn for Cub Scouts just started up, plus we have fall ball games not to mention school is back in session. Fall gets hectic around our house and there is no end in sight. I love spending time watching C play baseball, he's improving rapidly and really enjoys the sport. He made a double on third base the other day, he's still talking about it. Cub Scout popcorn has us out and about every single weekend until mid-August. It's a grind, but the only fundraiser we do, so we'll get it done.
I'm still struggling with the how and when of relationships. PCG (Picnic Concert Guy) and I are enjoying spending time together, however I find myself over thinking WAY TOO MUCH. I know I am and can have great conversations with myself about over thinking, but it still doesn't stop it. I'm actively trying every single day to have boundaries but not put up walls. To enjoy the moments and be in the moment, not thinking about what is to come. I know that my past will always influence my future but i'm trying so hard to make a conscious decision to not let it influence in a negative way. I'm tellin' ya'll it's been a struggle lately. I enjoy his company, our relationship just continues to organically grow - which is great - I just keep thinking what is going to happen that will ruin it. We've talked about him meeting C - but what if C is a brat (which he definitely can be!) and PCG ends up hating C. What if C has a hard time sharing me with someone else... what if.... what if... what if... UGH - speaking of a black hole abyss. Somedays I would really like to tell myself to shut up.
On the flip side life is super busy, popcorn for Cub Scouts just started up, plus we have fall ball games not to mention school is back in session. Fall gets hectic around our house and there is no end in sight. I love spending time watching C play baseball, he's improving rapidly and really enjoys the sport. He made a double on third base the other day, he's still talking about it. Cub Scout popcorn has us out and about every single weekend until mid-August. It's a grind, but the only fundraiser we do, so we'll get it done.
Comments
Post a Comment