A lost friend makes you thankful for the ones you have

More than anything I’m sad because I lost a friend. Someone who I told everything to, the good, the bad and the ugly. Someone who I would catch myself looking at my phone, just to see if there was a message. I lost someone who I adored due to my own lack of confidence and ability to understand relationships. I lost someone I romantically enjoyed but what hits me the most is the loss of the friendship. I don’t know that I’ve cver looked at a boyfriend or husband as a friend. This was a first for me. I’ve always left relationships mad and it’s gotten me through the pain. I’m not mad this time. I texted him Friday night, anxiously checking my phone, wishing to see the name of my friend pop up, but it never did. I can’t blame him, I have re read and over analyzed the conversation we had a million times and each time I sound like more of a bitch. I shouldn’t have texted because the lack of reply just stings more. I shouldn’t have gotten attached because when you put down walls this is what happens.

On the other side I was driving to a friends house from baseball on Wednesday night when I realized how thankful I am for the friends in my life. Many have made themselves my extended family. For the smiles and laughter I am continually blessed with, for those who adore my son, for those who are so supportive, I am so thankful. You are continually a bright spot in my days. Without this group of supportive friends I don’t know what I would do. A friend is truly worth their weight in gold.

I promise this will be the last blog about PCG, it’s jus all that seems to be on my mind lately.  It’s just hard to push out the what if’s in my mind. I’m trying to learn from the situation, I guess when your head is as thick as mine it’s a hard task.